11 People You’ll Meet In Amazon’s Product Reviews

source: unsplash.com
  1. The Savage 1-Star Book Reviewer- Leaves a one sentence review that ends with “I stopped reading after 10 pages”.
  2. The Person That “Couldn’t Be Happier” With Their Product- Their review look like this!!! Their wildest dreams have come true!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, random product they didn’t need — the one they only bought because Amazon guaranteed 24-hour delivery!!!
  3. The Person That’s “Very Disappointed” With Their Product- their review reads like this. it’s short, and consists of only a few run on sentences. they will definitely not be buying again.
  4. The Lady That Writes Her Autobiography Before Leaving A One-Sentence Review About The Product- Tell your grandpa I said thank you for his service in Vietnam.
  5. The Person Who Posts 11 Pictures To Accompany Their Negative Review- We’re all put on this earth a reason, folks.
  6. The Guy That Brings Politics Into It- I mean, who’s to say it wasn’t “the dems” fault his new stool broke?
  7. The Person That Bought This When I Was Drunk At 1am - Leaves a 5-star review for the product. 2-stars for himself.
  8. The Person Who Warns You That Their Review Is Very Long- **PUTTING A DISCLAIMER IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS WAS REALLY HELPFUL BECAUSE I PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO READ IT ANYWAY***. But I still click “Read more” because I want to see how long it is.
  9. The Fight In The Comments- The author’s a bigot. No, he’s not. Well you saying he’s not makes you racist! Guys, guys. Relax. Let’s take this over to CNN’s Facebook page, where it belongs.
  10. The Person That Starts Their Negative Review Off With “I Bought This Used”- Sounds like you got what you paid for.
  11. The Person Who Found This Helpful- Thanks for all your hard work.

Mostly humor essays. Benkissam@gmail.com

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