Humor

I’m The Doctor (That Does Freelance Jobs) That Reviewed This Article

Here are some acronyms you don’t know

Image for post
Image for post

Dear Fellow Googler,

I hope this article finds you well!

I see you’re looking for information on dry skin. I also see you’re concerned about the validity of this article. To be fair, it says you could have eczema or a brain tumor.

But you can trust it. Because even though I medically reviewed this article, which means I work at least part-time as a freelancer, I’m still a doctor.

(Keep scrolling for a list of my credentials, a bunch of acronyms you won’t know, and other subtle flexes about my short, but prestigious, medical career.)

What kind of doctor does odd jobs, you ask?

One with $200k in student loans, that’s who. My 9 to 5 wasn’t cutting it. I, like you, have no idea where your medical bills go. They aren't going to my bank account, I can tell you that much.

And believe it or not, I like the extra work. I’ve always had a side hustle (s/o to GaryVee!). In the past I’ve babysat, walked dogs, and even run a successful Etsy shop.

But those interfered with my day job.

Being a digital nomad doctor, or DND, is way better. (That’s another acronym you can forget now.)

Sure, other doctors tease me. But I don’t care. Because I’m the gatekeeper here. Freelance health writers tremble when they hear my name. I decide what’s right or wrong, not some dinosaur that went to med school in the sixties.

We get it, Saul, you went to Johns Hopkins.

And you can’t beat the perks. I get to do this at home, in my underwear, while I drink coffee. Nespresso, actually. I may be a freelancer, but I’m still a doctor and make way more than you.

Anyway… I promise, this article is totally legit. You can trust me, even if I’m am, literally, a doctor without borders.

Yours In Health,

Dr. Molly Baker, MD, Ph.D., and TBD

P.S. Oh, and your dry skin is fine. This website doesn’t sell ads unless you read the whole article, so they purposely try to scare the shit out of you. Go buy some lotion, you animal.

“This article was medically reviewed by Dr. Molly Baker, who medically reviews her own articles and also went to Johns Hopkins. Her cat, Joey Chestnut, sat on her lap while she skimmed this article, which was ghostwritten by a 22-year-old liberal arts student at a college in Vermont.”

A collection of humor essays and other musings. Benkissam@gmail.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store